When I was younger I didn't always follow my heart, I did what I thought I was supposed to do.  I went to college.  I got a job.  A couple times I did some slight course corrections and tweaked that a bit but mostly I "pushed through" to get it done and over with.  I went back to college...I pushed through to get it done again.  Then I got in a pattern of pushing and basically I've now broken that engine!  There are things now I know I need to work on, get done, including good things like creating better, healthier habits.  But my approach has to be different.  I can't just push through and get it done anymore.  I don't have the energy for it and life doesn't work that way.  
I used to think this was motivation.  That I was motivated to get a college degree.  That I was motivated to be a responsible adult.  That I was motivated by the love of theatre to work in that field.  But now I think I was just riding the Should train.  That's not to say that any of those things are bad or that I don't love theatre but I wasn't really motivated by a passion but by a preconceived idea of what I Should be doing.  I know I've blogged about Shoulding on yourself before.  But it's a hard lesson to learn.  One I come up against a lot and I think there are a lot of people who can relate.
So now I'm struggling with finding my passion.  Finding true motivation that I can enjoy and am pulled toward doing things instead of pushing through them.  I am trying to build slowly and to pay attention as to what works for me and what doesn't in creating healthier living and a passion for life.  I'm not rushing in to get things done but to enjoy the process and truly learn from it.  We can't discover or make long term changes if we are just going through the motions.  As much as we would like a quick fix to things in our lives the only real way to create is slowly with relish and interest, absorbing the change and making it our own.

Now I know I'm not supposed to should on myself.  But I'm choosing to teach my brain to stop yelling so that my body and heart can get a word in now and then!  
We all know there are things we should do to take care of ourselves and others.  We know we are supposed to eat healthy.  We know exercise is good for us.  We know we need to take time for ourselves somehow...Why don't we?  I know I've been meaning to write more blogs but things just kept getting in the way.  I was working a lot of hours and then moving to a new apartment and before that I got sick over Christmas.  And I wasn't coming up with anything inspiring to write about.  This is the first light bulb that came to me so I stopped what I was doing to write it!  But I still don't understand what gets in my way to get the things done I know are good for me and I even like doing!  I know meditation helps me.  I know yoga really works well with my body.  I know I eat too many sweets to loose the weight I want to loose, it messes with my chemistry and doesn't help my fatigue.  Even when I have a flexible schedule though I don't make time for these things enough.  
My brain gets in the way.  It talks the loudest and says!  "SUGAR!"  Or "this chair is so comfy and you have to catch up on e-mail so just keep sitting here, yoga will have to wait."  Or "it's too late at night now, if you meditate you'll just fall asleep and not pay attention to the meditation."  My brain is really loud.  I think I'll try to do the opposite of some of it's advise when it comes to these things that are important to me.  I will also try to schedule them in so that the time is set aside already.  Today was my last yoga class at the studio I've been going to.  (A casualty of my move.)  I am really concerned that I won't be able to keep up a home practice.  It is important to me to have things scheduled so that I don't blow them off.  So I think I will keep that slot open each week even though I'm not going to the class.
What works for you?  What are you running up against?  Let's help each other out!