When I was younger I didn't always follow my heart, I did what I thought I was supposed to do.  I went to college.  I got a job.  A couple times I did some slight course corrections and tweaked that a bit but mostly I "pushed through" to get it done and over with.  I went back to college...I pushed through to get it done again.  Then I got in a pattern of pushing and basically I've now broken that engine!  There are things now I know I need to work on, get done, including good things like creating better, healthier habits.  But my approach has to be different.  I can't just push through and get it done anymore.  I don't have the energy for it and life doesn't work that way.  
I used to think this was motivation.  That I was motivated to get a college degree.  That I was motivated to be a responsible adult.  That I was motivated by the love of theatre to work in that field.  But now I think I was just riding the Should train.  That's not to say that any of those things are bad or that I don't love theatre but I wasn't really motivated by a passion but by a preconceived idea of what I Should be doing.  I know I've blogged about Shoulding on yourself before.  But it's a hard lesson to learn.  One I come up against a lot and I think there are a lot of people who can relate.
So now I'm struggling with finding my passion.  Finding true motivation that I can enjoy and am pulled toward doing things instead of pushing through them.  I am trying to build slowly and to pay attention as to what works for me and what doesn't in creating healthier living and a passion for life.  I'm not rushing in to get things done but to enjoy the process and truly learn from it.  We can't discover or make long term changes if we are just going through the motions.  As much as we would like a quick fix to things in our lives the only real way to create is slowly with relish and interest, absorbing the change and making it our own.

Now I know I'm not supposed to should on myself.  But I'm choosing to teach my brain to stop yelling so that my body and heart can get a word in now and then!  
We all know there are things we should do to take care of ourselves and others.  We know we are supposed to eat healthy.  We know exercise is good for us.  We know we need to take time for ourselves somehow...Why don't we?  I know I've been meaning to write more blogs but things just kept getting in the way.  I was working a lot of hours and then moving to a new apartment and before that I got sick over Christmas.  And I wasn't coming up with anything inspiring to write about.  This is the first light bulb that came to me so I stopped what I was doing to write it!  But I still don't understand what gets in my way to get the things done I know are good for me and I even like doing!  I know meditation helps me.  I know yoga really works well with my body.  I know I eat too many sweets to loose the weight I want to loose, it messes with my chemistry and doesn't help my fatigue.  Even when I have a flexible schedule though I don't make time for these things enough.  
My brain gets in the way.  It talks the loudest and says!  "SUGAR!"  Or "this chair is so comfy and you have to catch up on e-mail so just keep sitting here, yoga will have to wait."  Or "it's too late at night now, if you meditate you'll just fall asleep and not pay attention to the meditation."  My brain is really loud.  I think I'll try to do the opposite of some of it's advise when it comes to these things that are important to me.  I will also try to schedule them in so that the time is set aside already.  Today was my last yoga class at the studio I've been going to.  (A casualty of my move.)  I am really concerned that I won't be able to keep up a home practice.  It is important to me to have things scheduled so that I don't blow them off.  So I think I will keep that slot open each week even though I'm not going to the class.
What works for you?  What are you running up against?  Let's help each other out!

Raise your hand if you are overwhelmed in the New Year!!!!  Back to work after holidays, resolutions, many education programs start, expectations of change....and this year a lot of illness and getting back on your feet!  I'll admit it, I'm overwhelmed.  And as an introvert I pretty much want to camp out with my cats and watch old Star Trek!  (I am currently marathoning The Next Generation which I never watched straight through, I'm in the middle of season 4!)
Overwhelm hits me a lot and some experts say it is a combination of thinking you have to do it all yourself, that feeling of being behind blocks creativity, and also a feeling that accomplishment has to come as hard work.  Personally I have spent most of my adult life trying to find a path to what I'm suppose to be when I grow up and/or finding that "something" that really gets me excited!  I have still not found the job that will pay me to watch Sci Fi/Fantasy on my couch!  And there are many things you just have to do yourself because there isn't a application fairy or a dusting fairy to do things for you.  I am frustrated with why is there always more work...it leads to a sense of NEVER accomplishing anything.  I am the type that will add something to my "To Do" list just so I can have something else that I marked off!  However, often once you get something done, you just have to update, redo, or revise whatever it is you just did.  As an introvert I don't have a brilliant social network to support me.  Though honestly that may just stress me out more, having to be social, but if there were old friends I knew around to help support me with positive advise or cheer that would be nice.  I don't feel I am lazy.  At this point in my life I just feel worn out.  Having worked and worked with the main outcome only being bills that have gotten paid.  Is that accomplishment?  Are we really just here to work and pay bills?
So far this isn't a very uplifting blog and I apologize but hopefully it is something honest that you can relate to.
Here is my plan:
Tapping!  If you haven't learned about EFT/Tapping look into it.  It utilizes meridian points to release energy blocks in your body, like acupressure and acupuncture.  It uses the same points to help release phobias, PTSD, addictions, and STRESS!  If you want to know more I recommend thetappingsolution.com, youtube videos by Margaret M Lynch, or Carol Look at carollook.com.  I am going to write out things that are bothering me and while tapping on the various points feel through these issues.  This will relax me and get me to a point where my creativity will return and I'll come up with some other avenues to follow.  I was tapping before this and came up with this blog for one!
I will also meditate.  Again, another way to relax your state of stress and overwhelm to a point where you can connect to the part of your brain that is creative and positive.  
I will stay away from the news, negative people, and my own sense of urgency to fix things.  These things will only increase the state of overwhelm and are not helpful in the least.
For some people exercise is another form of stress release.  I have found yoga does this for me.  Many other forms of exercise just make my immune system weaken and I get sick.  It's very frustrating.  However, yoga and my body get along fine!  Find what works for you!  Everyone is different when it comes to physical activity!
Another simple thing to do that is over looked is get a hug.  We are meant to have that physical touch and to feel the open, excepting energy that comes with an embrace.
These are all just little things but little things can chip away at a mountain like nothing else can.  Think of the Grand Canyon and that persistent water!  Have a wonderful January and let go of the overwhelm!

This story made a big impact on me as a child.  This was my very first Album!  (vinyl!)
Take a listen and reflect, it's beautiful.
https://youtu.be/jt_9ZzMmrtE

I've been going back through some class work (always keep learning) and I came across this very important concept.  Split Energy!  OK so what is meant by that?  Imagine you are focused on something you really want like a new job...but you don't want something that doesn't pay well....See that BUT?  You just split your energy.  When you confuse your energy by focusing in different directions it weakens the energy.  This can slow down your manifestation or stop it all together!

Maybe you believe in a higher power and maybe you don't but energy is everywhere and it's pretty darn smart.  It knows how to build and gain momentum naturally.  It know how to flow.  When you split your energy you are getting in the way of the natural flow.  So how do you not get in the way?  Stay on the positive side.  Going back to the new job example.  Make a list of everything you want in that job but phrase everything in a positive way.  Instead of saying "I don't want a job that doesn't pay well" say "I want a well paying job".  Make as long of a list as you like, be specific.  Read the list each day.  Keep the energy united and open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities.  It's a big, vast, abundant Universe and you can have what you want!  When you get what you want focus on something else and repeat the process.  It starts with you.  Let the energy flow!  

​Happier, Abundant people make for a better world for everyone!  Be Abundant!

I was told recently that my frustration with finding a business training program for my coaching practice that addressed my Introverted nature was a limiting belief.  I was limiting myself subconsciously by thinking an Introvert can't do any business program out there. And yet instructors will admit that in learning business you need to find one that is focused toward the coaching industry and not a brick and mortar business because there are differences.  So why wouldn't there be different training for someone who processes energy differently?  "To some extent, we've always had an admiration for extroversion in our culture. But the extrovert ideal really came to play at the turn of the 20th century when we had the rise of big business." ~Susan Cain (author of Quiet)

Now I will freely admit that I have blocks about the business aspect of coaching.  It is not my passion, the coaching is, working with people, being an ear for others.  Reflecting back to them what they are sending out.  However, my dislike of networking and promoting myself isn't a belief that I can't do it!  I can, I have, it's uncomfortable and draining.  This is because I am an introvert and I don't thrive on those kinds of things.  And the list goes on...This is a huge problem that needs to be addressed as there are a lot of introverted coaches out there.  Listening is one of our superpowers!  Coaching is something that a lot of introverts are drawn to because of how we process energy and the stimulus around us.  "I prefer listening to talking, reading to socializing, and cozy chats to group settings."  ~Susan Cain 

So why am I being told it is a limiting belief?  My guess is because THAT coach is an extrovert who doesn't understand, they have fully bought into what Susan Cain calls the extrovert ideal.  There are ways to be more outgoing if you are an introvert.  There are ways to do business if you are an introvert.  There are ways to learn things you aren't particularly interested in if you are an introvert...Charisma and flashy presentation are not the only ways.  "Most people who have grown up introverted in this very extroverted culture of ours have had painful experiences of feeling like they are out of step with what's expected of them." ~Susan Cain  So I will continue to search for the program right for me.  One that I can maintain, one that speaks to me.

How connected do we feel to others?  When we feel a connection do we know what that relationship is supposed to be?  I often feel we have lost our connections with the environment, others, situations, etc...because we aren't connected to our emotions.  Especially in America (which is the only perspective I can truly write from) our emotions take a back seat too often. We've been told to be logical, figure things out with your head, you can't trust your heart it will lead you to be emotional...Why is that a bad thing?  Too often the only emotions we feel are the extreme ones because we just can't avoid them any longer.  But the subtler emotions can be a guide, the hint of truth in the air that you are looking for to connect you to your intuition.  Yes, I do believe we all have intuition and we can all learn to be more intuitive with practice (just like building your muscles when you exercise).  This can lead to better empathy with the people you encounter which leads to better relationships.  Using your intuition can also lead you too better opportunities in life that you would never have seen or known were available to you if it weren't for that little nudge from your intuition.  
Perhaps we have disconnected from our feelings as a way of protecting ourselves from the feelings that don't feel so good.  I think we all know we still have those times however.  Mostly we have hurt ourselves in not feeling the powerful, positive, elated feelings that we could be experiencing on a more regular basis from a new perspective.  From allowing ourselves to resonate with the things we are in alignment with, be that a new friend, new love, new job, new home...
How can you reconnect to your emotions and feel again?

This topic was brought to my awareness again with a recent meme I saw and shared on Facebook.

July has totally gotten by me.  I was doing another job, my theatre job and it absorbed a lot of my energy and shook it all about!  It taught me a lot too.  I moved to the Seattle area March 2014 and I'm still in transition, looking for a community of my own.  I work for a local theatre that has really long runs and not all the crew work the entire run.  I only work the second part of the run and close it.  Since I'm an introvert this is a difficult position for me.  Everyone already knows everyone else.  They have gotten into their routines and patterns and here I come the last 4 weeks and I have to blend in.  Blending in isn't so hard, I wear black I've actually been stepped on, I blend in so well...but when you are still new to an area and trying to get to know people it is difficult to feel apart of the group and not invisible or on the outside looking in.  I have an easier time with this on the smaller shows but this was a big musical and as usual it took me all four weeks to get comfortable.  In fact I didn't sleep much the first two weeks.  Now don't get me wrong, no one was mean or snobby, but when you've just learned your track on a show, trying not to forget anything, you are surrounded by people you don't know, coordinating with what you are hearing to what you are trying to remember (the sounds make my cues, when I hear something and am in the same spot where I always hear it,I know I'm remembering correctly) AND you are an introvert you get sensory overload!  It's like the stress on your brain of living in a big city not knowing anyone.  This happened to me big time this July.  I used to get grumpy and depressed when overloaded.  And while there were touches of this I was able to stay on the whole rather positive.  Until the sleep deprivation started to get to me one night, but I waited until after the show to show it!  
What still continues to happen though is my communication centers shut down.  If I'm taking care of business...not a problem I get the message out.  But if it's just conversation?  Forget it.  My brain can't do it.  It thinks of things an hour or two after I get home!  (Sorry to the people who had to hear it late at night!)  But on the spot talking doesn't happen.  By week four this is letting up and I'm much more comfortable with people, however that is when the show ends!  Then there is dealing with the loss.  Even though I'm tired and ready to move on from the show I'm just starting to talk to people and that makes things very difficult to wrap up.  I imagine this is fairly common for most introverts.  Maybe there are some introverts who wouldn't make that much effort because they don't want to meet people.  But being in a new town makes this more challenging to transition in and out of these shows.  It probably helps that I recognize what is going on, but let me tell you it's still hard to take.  What I've also learned is I have to release that energy, the energy of frustration, separateness, the effort to connect with the people I find interesting, feeling like I've failed at basic interaction, and I'm sure a lot of other thoughts and feelings of which I'm not fully aware!  To release them you have to feel them.  You have to recognize them as energy, as flowing and not let them get stuck.  This has been my work this week.  The transition back into my own energy really.  Now the trick I want to work on is not transitioning out of my energy in the first place and to lessen the sensory overload.  As I learn more and more about my energy circulation this will come to me.  Wearing quartz does help!  I learned that.  I believe the key, like with many low emotions, is to stop the overload before it happens.  Once you are in it it is difficult to focus your energy to get out of it, because your energy is scattered with being in overload. SO exercises to stay in my energy at the start of these shows and other social adventures is what I will be working on before October's next show! 
This is the introvert energy...let's find ways to deal with it better!